


prone to getting blinded

by saintpyrite



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blind Character, Deaf Character, Disability, M/M, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintpyrite/pseuds/saintpyrite
Summary: Janus finds himself going to regular meet-ups for the disabled in his local area after an accident causes him to lose eyesight in one eye, though he finds himself a home in someone who sees past his injury.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 32
Kudos: 163





	prone to getting blinded

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was inspired by somniumm-art on Tumblr who drew a lovely piece of art around the concept of blind Logan and visually impaired Janus which I had to turn into a fic. It just so happens that it took me three days to write it because it got so long. I hope you all like it and I hope I didn't do anything to offend anyone, I was looking at a lot of information so I'm hoping I got it right but I'm happy to get feedback! 
> 
> Thank you so much and please check out somniumm-art.

"I'm not going." 

Janus stands firm in his stance and if luck had been on his side, he would have been able to pull off the hardened look with a dramatic slurp of his coffee. Instead, he reaches for the mug and misses it more than once until Remus gets fed up watching him struggle, pushing the mug into his hand. 

So far, being blind in one eye has done nothing for Janus. If anything, it has just given him more bruises than he’s had in his lifetime bumping into furniture these past few weeks and Janus grew up with Remus _and_ Roman which was always a recipe for disaster when they were kids. He felt stupid and frustrated at how something as simple as walking had become a challenge, the last thing he wanted was to act as if it was a big deal and something he was proud of. 

“Come on, Jan!” Remus replied, a low whine in his voice that made Janus roll his eyes. “I go with Roman to these things all the time and they’re pretty good; you could stand to get out more.”

“I already told you I don’t want to go to a disability meet-up; what good would come of me going to one?”

Janus leans forward into the cup until his lip touches the rim before he attempts to drink from it, the last time he underestimated how far away the cup was and spilt coffee everywhere. The only reason the barista didn’t get upset with the mess was how much he pitied Janus upon seeing the burns and milky white of his left eye so Janus stopped going to that cafe, which sucked because he liked how they did his iced vanilla latte. 

“I can name _several_ reasons as to why you should get off your ass and come to the meeting.” 

Remus sounds confident in himself so Janus just shrugs, an open invitation for Remus to take however he wants. A part of Janus knows a disability meeting may come in handy and it wouldn’t be the end of the world for him to attend one but the thought was terrifying, more so than anything else he’d faced thus far. He didn’t do well with new people on a regular basis but after the accident, he hadn’t spoken to anyone except Remus. 

Besides, it would destroy the little white lies he’d told himself. Janus preferred to believe that nothing had changed, as if the fire never happened but there were days he couldn’t ignore the look of bystanders when he bumped into table corners or the pitiful expressions on stranger’s faces when they saw the ugly red scar tissue around his eye. 

“One, you haven’t left the house in weeks; two, you’ve only talked to me and Roman which is super pathetic; three, you’re pissing me off.” Remus huffed out, his palms slamming against the table that trembled under the force. 

“You’re making a scene,” Janus diverted his attention elsewhere, focusing on the coffee inside his mug as if it had become a magical portal that could let him escape this conversation. He was growing tired of Remus lecturing him, “I get out of the house plenty.” 

“Coming to a cafe three blocks away to order iced coffee because you’re too scared to make coffee at home isn’t what I’d call healthy, Jan.”

Janus’ expression sours, a looming shadow over his features that would make him appear sinister to a stranger doesn’t deter his best friend. Remus digs his heels in when he wants something and more often than not, he gets what he wants. It’s infuriating and one of the many things about Remus that Janus manages to find both endearing and vexing all at once. 

Nonetheless, Janus felt as if that was a low blow, even for Remus. Nothing had been easy after the incident, both from a physical health perspective and a mental health perspective. Sometimes, Janus could feel the heat of the flames in his apartment and his lungs drawing in smoke that tried to suffocate him, embers igniting inside him. He felt trapped and helpless as if the flames were closing and taking what little breath he had left as the world crumbled around him. 

Days like that made it impossible to use the kettle or the oven, anything that was a potential fire hazard. Janus had gotten rid of any scented candles he once had and threw away incense sticks without a second thought. The fear of it happening again was a fresh wound that had yet to heal over and yet, Janus had gotten off lightly.

He was _lucky_ it hadn’t been worse but it didn’t make him any less bitter about the circumstances he’d found himself in; blind in one eye and a burn scar surrounding it, littered by smaller burn scars along the left side of his face. He didn’t feel so lucky when he looked in the mirror every morning to be greeted with _that_ for a face. 

“Janus,” Remus’ voice was gentle and called him from his trance, a look of concern on his face. Janus hadn’t even realised his hands were shaking until Remus took the coffee mug from him and held his hands to steady them, “I know you’ve been struggling with this, Roman knows you have and we think it’d be good for you to come to this meeting.”

It was heart-warming to know the twins wanted him to feel better and that they were concerned for him but the underlying guilt gnawed away at him. They shouldn’t be worrying over the likes of Janus and his complaining when the two of them had to work around Roman’s own disability and the struggles that came with being wheelchair-bound. They were wasting their efforts on him when they should be worrying about themselves. 

Janus exhaled loudly, rubbing at his forehead knowing he’d most likely regret his decision later, “Fine, I’ll go.”

It’s the least he could do.

* * *

Janus had considered staying at home and feigning illness to get out of the meet-up. The more he thought on it though, the longer he found himself staring at the kitchen of his new apartment. It made him uneasy, even though he knew it wouldn’t spontaneously combust with him there.

It just made his stomach twist in knots, the thoughts worrying away and rotting the logical reasoning his brain tried to supply him with. It shouldn’t be so hard to stay at home and he was getting better for it but there were nights where he’d remember waking up to the smell of smoke and fire, heat rising through the floorboards. 

It didn’t take much more than his intrusive thoughts for Janus to grab his phone and order an Uber. Luckily, Remus had spammed him with a mixture of cursed images and the address more than once in the last few hours so it wasn’t hard to copy and paste it in; it was likely so that Janus couldn’t lie about losing the address, Remus knew him far too well.

He pulled his coat on and headed downstairs once he’d locked up behind him, making his way outside into the brisk, winter air. Janus hated the cold and there were signs of frost on the ground so he had to be careful with his footing. Once he reached the curb, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and a message from both of the twins, one message more pleasant than the other as he read them. 

**_You better be there or I'm going to come and steal your ankles - Remus, 8:43 PM._ **

That one was expected, only Remus would send him something as stupid as threatening to steal his ankles. It made him chuckle nonetheless before he opened up Roman’s message. 

**_Ignore Remus, he’s been a bitch; it'd be nice if you came to the meet-up though. I haven't seen you in a while. - Roman, 8:44 PM_ **. 

A rush of guilt hit Janus; Roman couldn’t get around as easy to see him as Janus could to see Roman but ever since the incident with the fire, he hadn’t been a good friend. The only reason he saw Remus whatsoever was because the man didn’t take no for an answer and refused to leave Janus alone, bringing leftovers from meals Roman had made to make sure Janus was eating or tracking him down at his favourite cafes to chat. He was thankful Remus decided to be such a parasite though, otherwise, he wouldn’t have any friends. 

Janus sent a quick message back to Roman, purposefully ignoring Remus, before pocketing his phone when he saw the Uber notification. It’d be nice to see Roman again and he could always count on Remus putting him at ease but the idea of meeting new people was nerve-wracking. He knew the meet-up itself wasn’t going to be dangerous and it was likely he was going to be the most able-bodied person there apart from Remus but that didn’t make him feel any better if anything, it made him feel worse for wasting these people’s time before he’d even met them.

His thoughts plagued him the entire journey that he hadn’t realised they’d arrived until the driver turned in his seat and told him so, startling Janus out of his own trance. It took everything in him to appear dignified and nonchalant, rather than show how embarrassed he was, as he got out of the car with a quiet thanks.

He realises the venue is smaller than he expected it to be once he gets a better look at it; it’s an average-sized building with harsh lights built to go off when someone gets too close and it only highlights the distasteful magnolia walls with paint that is chipping away and streaked from where someone likely tried to paint over graffiti at one time or another. It has a wheelchair ramp to make it accessible, which makes sense given that the disability meet-ups are likely held here for a reason. 

He noticed Roman and Remus’ car in the parking lot, it was hard to miss when it was built to accommodate a wheelchair and had a license plate that was _so_ Remus because of how unnecessarily crude it was; whoever was working at the DMV the day they let Remus get away with having RUB1OUT as his license plate must have been asleep on the job. 

He got out his phone, debating on calling Remus to let him know he was outside so he didn’t have to walk into the building alone but out of the corner of his right eye, he managed to see another car approach as his own left, startling him to move out of the road. Janus fumbled to keep hold of his phone before putting it away altogether, ready to yell at the driver or glare at them indignantly at the very least. 

Instead, he was distracted by the man getting out of the cab. From what Janus could tell from the distance between them, the stranger was wrapped up warm in his brown coat and there was a yellow armband on his right arm from the looks of it, though he couldn’t tell what it was for. He looked away quickly when the man appeared to look in his direction, the last thing he wanted was for someone who was coming to the club to accuse him of being a creep. 

If he hadn’t looked away though, he would have seen the man make his way over with bold and confident strides and he would have seen how the stranger didn’t get far from the retreating car before he’d let out a shout, falling backwards on a patch of black ice and landing on his ass. The yell caught Janus’ attention luckily, who was quick to abandon his plans to rush into the building and made his way over to the fallen man instead.

“Are you okay?”

* * *

Janus approached him, concerned and even more so when he got up close and personal with the stranger to notice the black dots on the yellow armband _and_ the shades he was wearing; this man was _blind_ and if Janus hadn’t been here, god knows what might have happened.

“That was a tumble and a half, you okay there?” Janus said again when he didn’t get a response the first time, the man looking a little disoriented from taking an unexpected trip to the tarmac of the parking lot. “Do you need a hand?” 

The man scowled, cursing as he patted himself down in search of his things, likely accounting for anything that may have fallen out of his coat pockets before rubbing at the bridge of his nose, under where the shades had imprinted into his skin before he let out a sigh as if this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Winter must be a real bitch when you were blind, especially when this man wasn’t using a cane and didn’t have a service dog on hand.

“As long as you’re not planning to mug me, I’ll have you know I have a mean whack with my cane.” The man said with the most deadpan voice he could muster, which caught Janus off guard. He couldn’t suppress the laughter, the delivery of the joke had been too much for him and it had been so unexpected from someone who looked like he could be his old high school teacher, “Are you planning to laugh at my expense all night or do you plan to help me off the floor?”

Janus helped the stranger up onto his feet, letting him know he was grabbing his hand beforehand and steadied him by holding him by his shoulder when the man began to wobble. The light was no longer blocked out by Janus looming over the stranger and he had to admit, up close, this man was handsome with his combed-back dark hair and sturdy build under all those layers. He stood a few inches shy of Janus and had a scowl on his face that should have been off-putting but instead, it made him look inquisitive as he was contemplating what to say next.

“I think next you thank me for saving your life?” 

The man looked at him or in his direction anyhow, likely figuring it out from his voice alone before shoving Janus’ hand away with a sweeping gesture and putting distance between them, “Thank you for resisting the urge to mug me while I was enjoying sitting on the ground, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, stranger.” Janus chuckled, this man was interesting and if everyone else was like this in the disability meeting, it might not be as bad as he’d first thought it would be. “Are you here for the disability club?”

The man reached out to find the railing for the stairs, finding it on the second try when Janus stepped out of the way and began navigating his way up the stairs at a slow rate. Janus could see the white of a cane sticking out of the man’s coat pocket and what a curious thing, a blind man who wouldn’t use his cane. He didn’t voice the question on the end of his tongue though, he wasn’t going to start making enemies with the disability club members on his first night and he was intrigued by the stranger that he wanted to get to know him more.

“I am, did the blindness give it away?” The stranger confirmed his suspicions, a click of his tongue emphasising the sarcasm. “I’m guessing you’re new to these? I don’t recognise the voice.”

“I have friends who come here and suggested it to me,” Janus followed, finding himself smiling at the man’s wit and cutting-edge tongue. He didn’t often find himself pulled into conversations with strangers so easily but Logan had _something_ about him that was bold and commanding as if his presence alone was a beacon. It pulled on Janus’ curiosity, drawing him in and it helped that he was easy on the eye. “I’m Janus Dolos, should I just keep calling you stranger or do you have a name to go with that sharp wit of yours?”

“Logan Yerkes,” The man replied as he went up the stairs, though Janus breezed past him to reach the door first. “I could do that myself.”

Janus shrugged, momentarily forgetting the man couldn’t see him before he opened it wide, a gust of warm air blowing past them both, “I got here first.”

There was a huff from Logan, though he thanked him anyway as he went through the door into the community hall and Janus followed close behind. The building looked smaller on the inside than it had on the outside. It had a raised stage at the far back with stairs on one side and a ramp on the other; there were folded up chairs and tables piled up and set to the side, though he noticed several people were gathered around two tables that had been pushed together to make one big one; on the opposing side was a bar with a wall-mounted television where a man was working behind the bar, though he looked more occupied with the reality show than serving the other man sat on one of the barstools.

Janus did manage to make out a bunch of board games and cards stacked up on the large table though, so he must have stumbled upon the game night Roman had talked about, apparently, it was his second favourite night they did at the disability meet-ups.

It startled him when Logan spoke up again, drawing him out of his trance and giving him a look, “You went quiet for a moment there, Dolos; are you nervous?” 

Janus swallowed, “A little bit, is it that obvious?”

Logan chuckled, “I wouldn’t know but you don’t need to be nervous, come along, I’ll introduce you.”

It turned out that everyone was nice here and incredibly welcoming to Janus, despite his initial fears of being rejected because he didn’t feel disabled enough to be here in the first place. He lets Logan take the lead towards the table where three people are gathered, one of those people being Roman who beams at the pair when they approach.

“Janus, you’re here!” Roman sounds ecstatic and it makes Janus smile, especially when his friend is so excited to see him that he feels the need to reverse in his wheelchair and roll over towards him just so Roman can try and hug him, which means Janus has to bend down and leans over just to make the height difference work. Once they pull apart, Roman spins in his chair with practised expertise and gestures to him, “Everyone, this is my friend, Janus Dolos; I’ve told you a little about him before, remember?” 

Janus takes in the faces of everyone at the table; there is one man with a large build who looks like the human embodiment of those large novelty teddies people buy for their significant others and he’s got these big round glasses that make his blue eyes look like pools of clear water. He’s got a service dog at his feet too, a black labrador with a sparkly little collar that just screams this man spoils his dog. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Janus!” The human teddy bear smiles at him with the power of the sun behind it and Janus almost wants to shield his eye so he doesn’t end up going blind in both of them, “I’m Patton Morales, Roman and Remus have told us all about you!”

“All good I hope,” Janus jokes half-heartedly before he sits down at Patton’s insistence, “It’s nice to be here.”

Roman introduces the others too, though Janus observes how Roman moves his wheelchair to sit close to Patton and that’s a tidbit of information he’d like to keep in his pocket for later, just in case something comes of it that he can tease his friend about. He learns that the young man on Patton’s right is Virgil Stormr who looks like the human personification of a Hot Topic shop. Janus wished he had a filter sometimes and he blames it on hanging around Remus for too long because he says this out loud.

It gets a laugh out of everyone and the young man begins flailing his hands around wildly, movements Janus can’t follow and make no sense to him but everyone else seems to understand. He looks at Logan who doesn’t seem phased and is letting his own chuckle die down, at least Logan won’t know what’s happening either. 

“Virgil is deaf,” Patton explains, looking back at Virgil who is moving his hands still - _signing_ , Janus takes note - and the big guy is happy enough to translate for Janus which is a relief, “He says you look like a knock-off Disney villain with poor taste."

"I feel offended truly," Janus laughs though and is relieved when Virgil grins at him with wickedness in his eyes. Patton explains how Virgil was born deaf and grew up signing, though Janus is more interested in watching Virgil sign out each word as if it was a hypnotic dance with his hands than a language. He moved his hands like water, beautifully fluid and mesmerising and Virgil makes a sign that resembles the peace sign and transitions it into his two fingers touching above his head, the bottom one pulling away in a lightning bolt shape in the air. 

“That’s his name sign, Virgil gave ones for all of us!” Patton grins before translating the next part of Virgil’s sentence, “He says he’ll come up with one for you.” 

Janus smiles at that, wondering what Virgil will come up with, "It's a shame I can't sign." 

"Virgil can lip read so don't worry," Logan says, "Though you're likely to pick up ASL the more you come to these meet-ups; if Roman can learn it, you can.”

“Hey!” Roman huffed, sinking further in his chair when Virgil smirked at him. He got his condolence when Patton rubbed his shoulder, leaning into the touch in a way that Janus _knew_ he had to bring up with Remus later. “You already met Logan, our resident nerd.”

“Oh yeah, your resident nerd over here fell on his ass and I had to save him from taking a nap on the tarmac for the rest of the night,” Janus was surprised by how easy it was to talk to these people as if he’d always been going to these social events. 

Patton gasped, narrowing his eyes at Logan who had the dignity to look guilty, “Logan, you didn’t use your cane again, did you?” He sounded so much like a disappointed father that Janus felt Logan’s secondhand guilt. Luckily enough for Logan, Remus comes out of the bathroom and his loud, booming voice and obnoxious presence takes the heat off of Logan who lets out a small sigh of relief.

“Janus made it, thank _fuck_ for that!” Remus laughs, “I thought I’d have to drive over to your house and drag you out kicking and screaming.”

Patton chastises Remus for swearing, only to swear immediately after when he turns too fast in his chair and bangs his elbow on the table. The table erupts in laughter, even Janus finds himself laughing along and it’s far too easy that a part of his mind thinks he’s going to ruin this little family he’s found himself intruding on but he _likes_ it, he wants to be a part of it now that he’s seen a fraction of what this is like. 

Remus sits down and everyone starts debating what game to play first, inevitably settling on Uno because Patton gave Roman the vote. Virgil and Logan claim the vote was rigged, making Patton blush and everyone has the same knowing expression. 

Janus is glad he came.

* * *

Janus spends the next few Fridays coming to the disability club meetings, it becomes the red circle on his calendar that he looks forward to the most and even when Remus teases him about being right, Janus finds he doesn’t mind that Remus was right for once. 

He gets to know people at the club and what they’re there for, which makes him feel less like an outcast in the group. He finds out that Patton is legally blind and epileptic, which is why he has Lucky who's his service dog; Virgil, he knew was deaf, but he learns that Virgil was born that way and attended a school specifically for the deaf; Remy, the man behind the bar, is non-verbal and uses ASL to communicate with others and Emile who is often found sitting at the bar isn’t disabled himself but he’s CODA, the child of a deaf adult and often comes round to the club to socialise and help out with little events they put on. 

Janus already knows that Remus is just there for Roman, though he’s made his own place in the group and he’s aware that Roman is paralysed because of a car accident back when they were teenagers so that was nothing new there. The only person he didn’t know about was Logan and he supposed he hadn’t explained himself either, though Janus had just presumed Logan was born blind. 

It doesn’t matter that Logan refuses to tell him right away, it wasn’t as if Logan owed him an explanation for his disability and Logan never bothered him about his own reasons for the club either. Patton had asked him once, though he hadn’t bothered him ever since Remus had taken him aside, likely to tell him it was a sore spot at the moment. Janus appreciated it, though a part of him felt as if he was being treated like china that might break if handled wrong and that didn’t sit well either.

That’s why Janus liked talking to Logan who didn’t treat him with delicacy or ask questions, he just made sarcastic comments and talked to him as if they’d just met on the streets or in a bar somewhere rather than a meet-up for people like themselves. He’s intelligent too, ridiculously so that he finds himself tripping over his points in their little debates and playful arguments that it’s no wonder that everyone considers Logan a human encyclopedia of knowledge and whenever they play trivial pursuit, he _always_ wins with a smug look on his face that shouldn’t be charming but it is, Janus thinks so anyhow. 

* * *

This week, Janus finds himself taking an Uber to the meeting because Remus is working late. Patton had offered to pick him up on his way to get Roman but he figured Roman could use the alone time with Patton so he declined the offer. It worked out for the best, Janus grinned when he got out of his own taxi to see Logan making his way up the stairs.

“Logan!”

He’s gotten better at walking without bumping into everything, the railing included, so Janus takes bold and confident strides to the stairs where Logan stopped to turn around and wait for him. He doesn’t know what the feeling is in his chest, he doesn’t want to know so he pushes it down and slides his hand through the loop of Logan’s arm so they’re linked together, putting on his smoothest and most suave voice, “Can I escort you up the stairs, sir?” 

He’s teasing him and he loves the results, Logan looking less than impressed with his mock chivalry but being unable to hide the red blush that starts from the nape of his neck all the way to his cheeks and up to the tips of his ears. It makes Janus chuckle and it invites Logan to laugh softly as well, it’s quiet and an easy to miss sound if you weren’t trying to listen for it but Janus catches it every time and it’s one of the beautiful and genuine laughs, the soft and gentle melody of it is surprisingly fitting for Logan. Janus considers it a small victory whenever he can make Logan laugh, whether it’s soft and sweet or his wheezing, loud laugh that he has when he’s around the others.

“I can walk just fine,” Logan replies before he unlinks their arms, Janus has to refrain himself from acting on the urge to take his hand instead. It’s easier to pretend he just wants to make sure Logan doesn’t fall, not that he has ever since that first night. 

“One of these days, I’m going to escort you on my arm as you deserve.” Janus follows him up the stairs, “After all, without me, you’d likely fall again and eat the concrete.”

“Shut up, you idiot,” Logan said, though there was no bite to his bark. The two always had a playful back and forth, whether they were talking about the first night they met or discussing philosophy that bored the others to death. “For a moment there, I was afraid you were turning into Roman.” 

“You sure you don’t want me to wax poetry and serenade you from outside the community centre?” Janus laughed at the thought, though he wouldn’t put it past Roman to do something as over-the-top as that for Patton. “Is that not your type?”

Logan smirked, “I’m not a hopeless romantic like Patton and Roman, I’m afraid; sorry to ruin your plans to win me over.”

“You’ve dashed my dreams, Yerkes, I’m going to die alone now.” Janus leaned against Logan when they got inside, though he relented when the other man shoved him away with the sharp point of his elbow. “Who else could ever love me?”

“There’s always Remus,” Logan jokes back, as Remus recounted the time when Janus may have had a small childhood crush on Remus way back when. It had been an embarrassing tale, one that Janus did not wish to relive. 

“You’re terrible, Logan.” 

Logan was anything but terrible though, Janus thought with a fond smile. He was brilliant, intelligent and his love of astronomy was endearing to a fault. He was getting to know Logan slow and steady, it just made him want to learn more.

* * *

The next time he attends the meeting, they’re having a movie night. 

Patton and Virgil had dragged out bean bags that were in a side room used for storage, the bean bags often used for the kids’ clubs over the weekend while Emile and Remus were setting up the large projector and laptop on the stage. He was surprised by how well organised everything was and it must have shown because Remy came over, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and waving a hand in front of Janus’ face to catch his attention. 

“Oh, Remy!” Janus smiled once he realised who it was, quick to sign a greeting. His signing had gotten better, though he was far slower than everyone else and it served to make Remy laugh every time Janus tried to have a prolonged conversation with him one on one. “How are you?”

“I’m alright, babe, looking forward to movie night?” Remy signed, his motions lazy and languid so that Janus could keep up and figure out what he was saying. “You should sit with me, I’ll keep you warm and cosy.”

Remy has a habit of flirting with everyone, Janus especially and it isn’t unwelcome because Janus might be blind in one eye but his vision is good enough in the other to realise that Remy is awfully pretty and easy on the eyes. He has a casual and relaxed look about him like he doesn’t have to try to look good because it’s something he does naturally. Remy grins wickedly when Janus blushes, diverting his attention and finding his eyes landing on Logan who's talking with Roman and Virgil about something he can’t hear from over here. 

The mute man waves his hand in front of Janus again before signing, “Or maybe you’d prefer to cuddle up with Logan?”

Logan’s name sign is fitting, it’s the shape for L tapping in the middle of the forehead and flicking outwards as it transitions into the sign for smart. Even Remy does it with a rigidness that is befitting Logan despite how Remy’s signs are usually as fluid as Virgil’s own. Janus huffs, as he wasn’t about to give that a dignified answer but it spoke volumes alone if Remy’s crinkled eyes and wide grin were anything to go off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Janus manages, it’s slow and he has to fingerspell some of the words he’s forgotten but Remy smirks nonetheless, patting him on the shoulder with mock sympathy. It makes Janus’ cheek heat up a fraction more, “Besides, what about you and Virgil?”

Remy seems taken aback for a moment, though he’s quick to compose himself. Nobody seems to have picked up on just _how_ observant Janus is because he’s noticed how Virgil and Remy act around one another whenever Virgil is sat at the bar for hours on end, finding excuses to keep going up there and how Remy flirts with everyone but how he finds a way to bring it back around to Virgil if the younger man is around. 

It appears to be a stalemate because Remy redirects his attention when Remus announces they’re ready for the first film of the night. It’s a lot of Disney films that he hasn’t seen in a long time and Janus makes himself comfortable next to Logan when he calls out to him. He’s found that Logan has managed to pick up on the sound of his footsteps to identify him, which Janus finds amazing and it makes his chest tighten that Logan picks up on something so small about him. It takes everything in Janus to keep his eyes off of Logan and focus on the films as the room grows dark. 

The first few films are enjoyable, everything is just as it should be for a movie night and Janus finds himself pointing out plot inconsistencies with Roman and Logan while Remus laughs at the jokes that have a double entendre. Everything is fine until they decide the final film is Hunchback of Notre Dame. 

The film itself is fine and Janus feels as if he’s overreacting when it transitions into the scene where Frollo sings Hellfire, his fists clenching tight into the bean bag he’s sat on and his body rigid. Logan leans in, quiet so he won’t draw unwanted attention.

“Are you okay?” He whispers, Logan must have felt how tense he was and how he’d moved enough for his bean bag to shift enough for Logan to pick it up. 

Janus nods but he’s fixated on the way the fire flickers and warps in the animation. It isn’t even real but it’s bringing back memories, he finds himself struggling to breathe and his body trembles because _he’s back at his apartment, it’s on fire and he’s going to die--_

He feels someone pulling on his shirt and he realises that it’s Logan, he can’t register what he’s saying because he doesn’t feel all there but he lets Logan coax him to his feet and lead him outside for fresh air. Janus breathes it in as if it’d be his last, hands reaching out for the railing on the ramp and dry heaving until he manages to calm down while Logan approaches with the _tip-tap_ of his cane for the first time, nudging it against Janus’ foot so he can find him before he settles a hand on the small of his back to rub soothing circles.

When Janus can _finally_ breathe, “I’m sorry, the others--”

“Forget the others, Janus,” Logan grounds him when his hand finds itself on top of Janus’ own, easing away the trembling with gentle swipes of his thumb. “You should have told us, we wouldn’t have made you go through this if we knew.”

“It’s a _Disney_ film, Logan; I shouldn’t be freaking out over something so _stupid_ ,” he tries, “It was weeks ago--”

“Trauma doesn’t just go away, Janus, you need to be more forgiving with yourself,” Logan interrupts before he presses his body close against Janus’ side. It’s nice, it feels as if there is something there to remind him where he is and he likes having Logan close by. “Is that how you lost your sight in one eye? A fire?”

“Yeah,” Janus sighs, though when he closes his eyes, he doesn’t feel the heat of the flames or the suffocating smoke in his lungs. It’s cold outside and all he feels is Logan pressed up against him like an anchor. “I have burn scars all over the left side of my face too, you’re lucky you can’t see it.”

“I wish I could so I could prove you wrong,” Logan says and it hangs heavy in the air, “Maybe one day, you’ll let me?”

Janus isn’t sure what he meant but he nods, whispering like there was some great big secret between them, “I think I’d like that, Logan.”

* * *

At the end of one night, Janus finds himself talking with Emile and Remy at the bar, nursing a gin and tonic that Remy uses as fuel to make fun of him but Janus doesn’t mind, laughing along as he watches Remy sign slow and lazy in a way that has made it much easier for Janus to pick up ASL in these last two months. 

He can scarcely believe he’s been going to these meet-ups long enough to pick up a whole different language, albeit nowhere near as well as everyone else. Janus had been pleasantly surprised watching Logan and Virgil talk conspiracy theories, using tactile ASL so that Logan could feel the signs Virgil was making; (he chose to ignore the urge to have Logan do the same with him under the guise of teaching him better ASL.)

They’re talking about performance night, an event Emile puts on. When Emile signs, it’s practised but bouncy, as if he’s always excited which would be an understatement and despite how he can hear and talk just fine, Emile says it’s second-nature to sign as he speaks regardless of who he’s talking to.

“Everyone puts on a performance of sorts, it’s always fun to watch; last year, Remy and Virgil put on a whole number using ASL and it was beautiful to watch!” 

Janus would like to see that, everyone in the club seemed eager for the performance night so it must be a big deal for the club. It brought everyone together in a way that only performance could do so, even those who didn’t mingle much were excited about it; he’d only met Kai and Elliott recently when they had an LGBTQ night which had gone swimmingly despite how Remus spent the entire night trying to convince Logan he needed to get laid to loosen up and trying to use the voice command to download Grindr onto his phone. He had to put money in Patton’s special fundraiser jar for that stunt as a punishment, which he whined about the entire way home.

Speaking of Patton, the man himself came over and waved at the trio when Remy had signed Patton’s name - _(the letter P coming off and tapping against the forehead for the sign dad, a joke that Patton was the dad friend of the group)_ \- when he approached. Janus grinned, “Hey, Pat; you heading off now?”

“Yeah,” Patton smiled, gesturing to the room which was now as clean and pristine as it was before they’d set up for the night, “I was wondering if you wanted me to drive you home; Ubers must get expensive when Remus can’t take you back.”

A part of Janus wanted to decline but Patton insists, saying how it’s no trouble and Janus feels it’d be rude to turn him down. He hoists himself off the barstool while Patton signs to Remy, it’s weird seeing his name sign used in front of him but it’s even more amusing when he learned the story behind why it was a J that transitioned fluidly into the sign for a snake; apparently Virgil thought his burns made him look like a snake, that way they’d healed and there had been a moment of panic from his little emo nightmare of a friend that he’d upset Janus. If anything, Janus felt rather honoured when Virgil explained his interest in snakes and reptiles and how he thought Janus looked like a cool action hero with his scars. He didn’t feel good about them often, so it was nice that someone thought they were interesting.

“Let’s go,” Patton smiled and made his way to the door, Janus following behind with Lucky in between them. The dog was so obedient that Patton didn’t bother with the leash at the club, though Janus supposed that came with being a service dog. Patton held the passenger side open for him and he gave Patton his address, watching as the world went by in a blur as they started towards town. It occurred to Janus that he’d never spent time alone with Patton before.

“You do the same thing Roman does,” Patton says, cutting through the quiet. 

Janus smiled at the thought but he doesn’t think he shares many traits with Roman in all honesty. 

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Who, Roman?” Patton says, though there is no high squeak or embarrassing red blush to his cheeks. He reaches over to his phone and skips a song on his Spotify playlist, “Yeah, I do like him _a lot_.” 

It’s interesting to see this side of Patton, one that isn’t hiding everything behind a facade of jokes and smiles. There is more to their resident father figure than being the sweet, soft guy everyone perceives him as and Janus can appreciate that Patton is being open with him now, knowing how much of a rarity it must be. He feels trusted. 

“Can I ask why?” 

“When he first came to the club, he didn’t talk to anyone without Remus around and even then, it was hard to get him to come out of his shell,” Patton explained and Janus nods because he can remember when Roman was first in his wheelchair, he wasn’t lively and bright as he usually was as if someone had doused out a flame in him. “I spent every day trying to coax him out and get him to smile or laugh, _something_ , you know?”

“That’s nice of you,” Janus wished he’d thought to be a better friend like that.

“Eventually, we had Performance Night and Remus asked me to help set up the stage for Roman and convince him to take part. For whatever reason, Remus thinks Roman listens to me so I did what I could and the best part was that it _worked_ ,” Patton found himself grinning and Janus could see the admiration and joy in the man’s eyes watching him talk about Roman. “He performed this little dance number in his chair he’d been practising with Remus for weeks and he _sang_ and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard; once he was done, he went off and I found him crying so I just held him, I listened to him talk about how he wanted to keep performing despite being stuck in a chair and I knew right there…”

“Knew what?” 

Patton stopped at a set of traffic lights and looked over at Janus with the biggest smile on his face, “I knew there that I was falling in love with him.”

* * *

It's a pleasant surprise when he meets Logan somewhere other than the disability meeting as if he didn't exist outside the club despite how they texted regularly. 

Janus had taken his colleague's offer to come to the bar for a few after-work drinks, figuring he deserved to let loose. He didn't drink too much at the disability meetings, often too wrapped up in conversations and new information to remember alcohol was a few steps away and it was always nice to spend time with other friends he'd neglected, even if they were just work friends. 

As soon as he'd seen Logan though, he'd forgotten about those he'd come here with and made a beeline straight to the bar, a smirk on his face; "I thought a library would be more your style than a bar, you astonish me, Logan." 

The man startled, though his nerves calmed when he recognised the voice. Logan's tension melted away and Janus felt pride swell in his chest at the open body language Logan displayed around him.

"The library doesn't have an overnight bar, I'm afraid and I came here to drink and avoid my students." 

Logan taught Classic Literature at the college on the other side of town, which made sense to Janus and led to a series of inappropriate teacher jokes from Remus that did _not_ help Janus' dreams whatsoever. Despite those jokes resurfacing in the back of his mind, Janus genuinely enjoyed hearing about Logan's job. 

"You want to avoid me as well?" Janus teased, though he didn't want to intrude on any peace and quiet Logan might have wanted before he'd interrupted. 

"No," Logan reached over and patted his hand against the countertop, an open invitation, "I haven't seen you since last Friday." 

"Logan, I hate to break it to you but you've never seen me."

The two erupted into laughter, blind humour had become their thing and it never failed to have them both in fits of laughter. On more than one occasion, Remy and Remus had been seen making gagging gestures out of the corner of his eye.

It didn’t matter what people around him said or thought though, Logan was all he could focus on and now that he had Logan to himself for a night, there was no way he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. Janus liked to observe the ways in which Logan expressed himself because most of his life, he’d spent looking people in the eye. Now, he got to see everything about how Logan expressed himself, every little niche and unique expression; his favourites were whenever he got Logan to blush, the man would reach up to fix his hair or adjust his glasses in an attempt to obstruct his face and busy his hands. It was endearing to watch and made Janus’ chest swell with a warmth he’d never experienced before.

The conversation flowed easily from there, talking about work and hobbies and everything in between. The two must have had ten drinks between them at the very least, the bar coming to a lull as 11 PM came around and the pair had reconvened to a booth to keep the conversation going.

“I’ve never seen you without your shades,” Janus had said, the alcohol fogging his judgement and breaking down his filter. 

“Do you want to?” Logan said, reaching up for his shades. “If I show you my eyes, you have to let me touch your face.”

That sobered Janus up quickly, the intimacy of the situation he’d found himself. He was certain he was blushing if the rise in temperature had anything to say about it. Even so, he reached out for Logan’s other hand and lifted it close to his face.

“Just the right side of my face, if that’s okay; I’m not--”

“We’ll take it slow,” Logan interrupted and he took a steady breath of his own as if he was afraid of what Janus would say once the shades were discarded. It couldn’t be worse than the nasty scars on his face, though he wasn’t going to say that out loud. He didn’t want to scare Logan away.

As soon as Logan’s shades were removed, clattering on the wooden surface of the table as he set them down, he saw Logan at his most vulnerable. He looked nervous, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown and it looked as if he was resisting the urge to turn his head away from Janus altogether. 

Janus took it all in; there were small white streaks along his cheekbone, scars that had long healed and his eyes were milky white in a ring of deep blue, the colour faded from where they once may have been bright and vivid. It didn’t make Logan any less beautiful to see though, if anything, his eyes were opals reflecting the light and his flaws made him a mosaic of intrigue. 

“You once told me I’d be freaked out by you but I think it might be the opposite,” Logan said to break the silence, reaching for his glasses before Janus grabbed his other hand and surprising him, “Janus?”

“You’re the most stupid genius I’ve ever met if you think you’re anything less than amazing, Logan.” 

So it wasn’t the most romantic sentiment but Janus supposed it worked in his favour when Logan’s frown twisted until he could control the overflow of laughter that built up in his chest and spilt out, making Janus smile and laugh from how contagious it was. 

“You couldn’t think of anything better to say than a backhanded compliment?” Logan wheezed out, shaking his head in disbelief and amusement. “I can’t believe you sometimes.”

“You love it,” Janus teased before pulling Logan’s hand towards the right side of his face, “You wanted to see me next, right?”

Logan pulled his hands from Janus’ own before he could do so though which left Janus puzzled, “I don’t want to _see_ you until you’re ready to show me _all_ of you.”

* * *

It’s been far too long since Janus got behind the wheel but he’s confident now and it’s freeing to live his life without fear; he can start up the oven without expecting it to go up in flames and he indulges in candles again. Everything feels new and exciting but nothing more than getting behind the wheel and driving to the community hall.

Performance Night arrives faster than Janus could have anticipated, though he won’t deny that he’s excited for what everyone might be putting on. The event has been on everyone’s minds for weeks now and Janus had a flair for drama, so he’d put his name down for one of the performance slots. He’s a theatre kid by nature and even if he wasn’t, you don’t get out of performing when you grow up with the likes of Roman and Remus.

When he enters the community centre, he has to pause for a moment to take it all in; it’s awe-inspiring and he was impressed with how much work Emile put into this night alone, it makes every other event they’ve had look cheap in comparison. 

There are two enormous speakers mounted on either side of the stage and there are strip lights running over the bottom of the stage and around each table, illuminating the hall in vibrant colours that change every few seconds. Tables and chairs are littered around the room in an arc, each table with a small speaker facing the ceiling and there is a space for dancing. Emile went decoration crazy and it just showed the effort and care he put into this event. 

“Hey,” there is a tap against his foot and he follows the long white cane up to the owner of it, seeing Logan there. 

“Hi,” Janus says dumbly, his eye roaming down Logan’s body as if he would devour him because the turtleneck he’s wearing is tight against his body and his jeans are fitted. Janus is so gay right now, oh so very _gay._

Logan raises an eyebrow at him and it takes everything in Janus to keep his eyes on Logan’s face, “Are you planning to just stand there all day?”

“It’s just _a lot_ ,” Janus is talking about Logan but it’s vague enough to pass off as the event itself. He chooses to change the topic instead, “You’re using your cane.”

Logan presses his lips tight together into a thin line, “I’ve been told to start using it more to prevent _further_ accidents.” It’s clear that Logan doesn’t want to go into detail but Janus notices the bruise across his cheek, yellow and green splotches of colour against his skin to show its healing. 

“I’m sorry,” Janus says before he changes the subject as Logan looks uncomfortable, “Are you performing tonight?”

Logan shakes his head and he taps Janus again before walking ahead, prompting Janus to follow him, “I don’t perform, though I enjoy the performances well enough. I heard you talking with Kai about performing.” 

Janus finds them a table, it has a good view of the stage which he supposes doesn’t matter to Logan but he wants him to be able to hear him. He doesn’t get too close to the speaker though, he’s trying to impress the guy but he’s not going to endanger his hearing to do so. 

“I am, I thought I’d do a musical number,” that earns him an unattractive snort from Logan, though he manages to make it charming. “Look, you don’t grow up with the Prince twins and forgo becoming a theatre kid in the process - it’s just not possible.”

He looks around the hall with a huff, instead of giving Logan the satisfaction: He can see Patton and Remus playing with a laptop at the front near the stage, Emile fussing over the performance list nearby; Remy is at the bar, predictably so, picking at his teeth with a toothpick while Virgil converses with him; he can see Kai, Elliott and Lauren drinking at one table on the other side and he gives them a wave. This isn’t even _half_ the people he’s met during his time at the disability club because there is Andy who happens to be Virgil’s cousin, who is hearing but speaks ASL and he’s always hanging around Nate, Toby and Dice who he hadn’t quite figured out how to talk to them just yet, as they’re always elusive and Janus has a hard time tracking them down to get to know them better. He supposes it could be worse, they’re nice enough in passing.

Janus keeps himself occupied talking with Logan as people filter in and stop by the table to make small talk while final preparations go underway - a young man called Jericho comes over and talks with them, using tactile ASL to involve Logan in the conversation before his husband Apollo comes over, the two scampering away at their own table to join Hartley and Brian. 

When Jericho and Apollo say their goodbyes and head over to their own friends, Janus notices Roman making conversation with Dice. Both of them are wheelchair users, which is good for Roman because he’d been one of the few wheelchair users when he first started attending the disability meetings, according to Remus. Dice was a nice addition and the man had a lot in common with Roman, both of them being big theatre and film enthusiasts and often making fun of their favourites together. 

Patton didn’t look happy, though it isn’t Janus’ battle to fight and if anything, he thinks Patton needs to get a move on and just tell Roman because the man is dense. 

Instead, he focuses on making small talk with Logan and greeting anyone who stops by their table. He asks about work and troublesome students he has to put up with, watching as Logan speaks freely with his hands now that he’s grown comfortable around Janus which makes him smile in return. It’s enough to make his stomach flip and he’s certain he’s going to spill his feelings any minute if Logan keeps being so _damn_ attractive when the lights go off. He can hear feet shuffling, everyone filtering towards the tables and chairs to seat themselves. 

They come back on and Remus is centre stage, waving his arms wildly until all eyes are on him like the attention hog he is, Emile off to the right to sign widely for him so everyone can understand what Remus is saying as the lights make it hard to lip-read. 

“Guys, gals and non-binary pals!” Remus’ voice reverberates through the large speakers and comes out tinny in the small ones set up on the table. Janus notices how Virgil has his fingers sprawled out over the speaker to feel the bass come through, “Welcome to Performance Night! We got a hell of a fucking show for you tonight--”

Patton tells him off with a colourful phrase of his own, which makes the whole place erupt into laughter. 

“Hey, I’m the host, not Patton!” Remus pouts, though he manages to keep the crowd because Remus has always been a natural performer. If it wasn’t for his ADHD being dismissed for so long in their early years, he thinks Remus would have done great things in school. It didn’t matter though, he was proud of his friend nonetheless. “Tonight, we have a lot of performances lined up. There is ear protection if you need it, provided by our lovely little storm cloud--” that makes Virgil blush, especially when Remy leans into him and signs small and private as if it was a whisper. “--and remember, have fun!”

* * *

First up is Kai. He’s got his laptop set up and a projector so everyone can watch the video he’s prepared, and Janus has to admit he’s impressed by how Kai managed to make a song out of nothing but _sounds_ from older versions of the Windows OS. He remembers Kai mentioning how he has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which makes it hard for him to do the things he really wanted to do growing up but how he found his solace in video games and working with computers. It’s both the most ridiculous thing Janus has ever heard and yet, it _works_. 

Halfway through the song, Emile comes around and reminds Janus he’s up next. Logan leans on his hand and taps his fingers in tune to the beat of the Windows XP sounds with a soft smile, he looks just past Janus but it’s clear that Logan is addressing him.

“I can’t wait to hear what you have in store”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make fun of me,” Janus laughs and he brushes his fingers over Logan’s hand as he gets up. “Keep your eyes open.” 

There is the thunderous sound of clapping and cheering when Kai finishes; Janus can see Lauren come over and kiss Kai, though he can’t hear what she’s saying, Janus knows it’s embarrassing Kai from the red glow on his cheeks when the light illuminates his features. It’s sweet, Janus doesn’t do sweet most of the time but there is an ache in his chest that longs for something like that with _someone_. 

Remus introduces him onto the stage and Janus watches as the lights go dark so he can take his position on the stage. He’s clasping the bowler hat he’d brought with him, hiding it wrapped up his coat the entire time because he knows Roman and Remus will recognise it immediately from one of their musicals they did for high school. He’d found it cleaning the closet last week and _knew_ what he wanted to perform that he’d messaged Emile to get himself a last-minute slot, it earned him a light ribbing as punishment for being late but Emile seemed ecstatic that Janus wanted to perform so it worked out for everyone. 

When the beat kicks in and the stage light turns on, Janus makes sure his back is turned to the audience. He knows Logan can’t see but he isn’t doing this _just_ to impress Logan, he wants to put on a show everyone can enjoy and one that he can be proud of. If he did anything subpar, Roman would have his hide. He spins into it, taking two steps forward with a sashay sway to his hips before he starts singing.

_“Give ‘em the old razzle-dazzle; razzle-dazzle them.”_

He hears Remus howling with laughter and Roman’s wolf-whistling from the back and it takes everything in Janus to stay in character, making snide remarks between choruses and verses to get a laugh out of the crowd. He knows Emile is signing for him, sitting in front of the stage so the deaf people in the crowd know what’s being sung but he’s certain Virgil is having the time of his life watching him act so dramatically on stage without being able to hear the song. 

_“Razzle dazzle them and they’ll beg you for more--”_ Janus looks over at Logan sitting there, transfixed with his fingers pressed against the speaker as if Janus’ voice would flow through his fingertips. He can have fun with that, knowing Logan is transfixed as he throws out a flirtatious _“Beg me for more.”_

The song comes to an end and the lights come back on; the performance earns him applause and he basks in the feeling of performing again. Before tonight, before coming to these meet-ups, Janus wouldn’t have had the courage to perform again. Now, he’s bowing as if it’s a night on Broadway and throwing his bowler hat out to the crowd where he watches Virgil climb on the table to catch it. 

He makes his way off the stage and clasps hands with Roman on the way around, using it to pull Roman forward and whisper in his ear; “Talk to Patton.” 

Janus doesn’t wait for Roman to flub over his words and stammer through excuses, he winks at Remus who gives him finger-guns before sitting back at the table with Logan who is resting his chin on the back of his hands with a thoughtful smile. 

“Did you enjoy it?” Janus grins, he had seen Logan clapping and he knows he must have if he was pressing his hand against the speaker like how Virgil does so he can feel the music through the vibrations but it didn’t hurt to hear it so he could gloat a _little_. 

“You never told me you could sing,” Logan says instead, before settling on, “I like your voice, it’s lovely.”

Janus bites down on his lip to contain his grin and the fluttering in his stomach, “I’ll be right back; I’m going to get us drinks.” He gets up and makes his way to the bar where Remy has made his way back behind to hide away as he does because Virgil is on stage with Roman, the song starting up as he orders.

The song itself is slow and romantic, though he can’t put a finger on what the song itself is but it doesn’t matter because the song isn’t important, it’s the flowing motion of Roman in his wheelchair perfecting choreography with each spin and turn paired with how Virgil dances with him, a series of lifts and spins as Virgil uses his hands to sign the song in perfect synchronicity. 

Remy waves a hand in front of his face to catch his attention, “They’re good, aren’t they?” 

“They are,” Janus says because it’s true, though he knew that already when it came to Roman, “I didn’t know Virgil could dance.” 

“He’s a gymnast,” Remy wiggles his eyebrows suggestively just as Janus takes a drink of his gin and tonic. He chokes a little on it, suppressing his laughter in favour of _dying_ because it had been so unexpected when Janus should know better when it comes to Remy. 

He gathers Logan’s drink and thanks Remy before sitting back down, handing Logan his drink. Logan asks him to describe it to him and Janus tries his best, though Logan doesn’t complain. It’s mesmerising watching Roman and Virgil work so well together, especially when he hears horror stories about how they argued every other week when Roman had first met him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Janus sees Patton get up and seemingly excuse himself. Nobody seems to pay any mind and nobody realises that the big guy makes his way to the fire exit to make a quick getaway. He shouldn’t get involved, if he’s being honest and as the song comes to a close, he watches Roman look over the crowd and his face drop when he realises Patton isn’t there to applaud and cheer. 

“I’m just going to talk some sense into Roman,” Janus says, resting a hand over Logan’s wrist to let him know where he was. “I won’t be too long.”

“Oh, sure.”

* * *

It’s cold when he leaves the club and it’s later than usual but Janus promised to help Roman find Patton so that’s what he’s going to do. He pushes Roman out through the front doors and the two make their way around the parking lot where Patton is stood against the wall, coat bundled around himself and illuminated by the floodlight having a cigarette.

Patton stress smokes, Janus thinks to himself, good to know. He didn’t expect the resident dad figure to have a bad habit like _that_ on his conscience but then again, everyone has their vices. He wouldn’t be surprised if Patton picked up the habit from Remus. 

Janus pushes Roman forward, sharing a look with him before Roman inhales slow and steady, exhaling as he wheels over to Patton himself. He backs up around the corner, though he’s in earshot and Janus never said anything about giving them privacy. He wanted to make sure everything went smoothly.

“Hey,” says Roman quietly, he sounds so meek and shy compared to his loud, flamboyant self.

Patton startles, quick to drop the cigarette and slam his foot down on it to extinguish the embers, “I wasn’t doing anything!”

Roman laughs, soft and quiet before a hush falls over the pair. Janus leans around the corner, the shadows cloaking him so he can squint and get a better view of what is going on. 

“You left before my performance finished; are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Patton forces out between clenched teeth, looking away from Roman. His face is going through the motions of frustration and guilt. “I just needed the air.” 

“Did I do something wrong?” Roman asks, hands gripping his knees through the fabric of his jeans. “If I did, please tell me so I can fix it, Patton. I can’t stand the thought of you being upset with me.”

“No!” 

The shout startles Patton and Roman alike, even Janus jumped out of his skin a little at the sudden urgency of the sound. Patton retreats backwards into the brickwork, magnolia paint flaking and getting stuck in the fabric of his coat. 

“I was being stupid.” 

“Patton, you’re _never_ stupid,” says Roman, “You’re kind and sweet and brilliant; you’ve got a smile that’s like the god damn sun and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather be--” 

Roman stops himself and Janus wants to go over there and throttle him because the air is charged. If anyone was going to confess, it should be _now_ because the way these two had been dancing around one another was ridiculous. A small part of Janus calls him a hypocrite. 

“You’d rather be what?” Patton asks, his voice sounds miserable but his curiosity is piqued. 

Roman makes a series of noises as if he’s struggling to find the words which would be a first for him before he grabs the front of Patton’s coat and _pulls_ with a tremendous show of strength. He manages to wrestle Patton into his lap and cup his face, staring at him as if he’s looking for _anything_ that tells him that Patton doesn’t want this too before their lips crashed together in a heated kiss. 

There is a low whine from Patton before his fingers find Roman’s hair and he shifts in his lap so it’s comfortable for the both of them, his glasses pressed into the bridge of his nose. When they break away, neither of them can stop laughing or pressing soft kisses to each other’s faces.

“We’re stupid,” Roman manages before pressing a kiss to the corner of Patton’s mouth, “So _stupid_ ; I love you, Patton, I love you so much and I can’t believe I fucking waited this long to tell you.”

Patton smiles and bundles Roman in a tight hug, kissing him on the lips again, “I love you too,” he says over and over again like a mantra. He doesn’t let go of Roman, the pair of them don’t move for what feels like an eternity. 

Janus has seen enough, it’s time to head back inside. 

* * *

The night comes to an end and Janus is sat at the bar, nursing his lukewarm drink. Everyone is beginning to filter out in groups or pairs; he notices Remy offering to take Virgil home and he watches Patton wheel Roman out of the front door to do the same, presumably because Remus stays behind to help Emile clean up. 

Janus turns back to his drink, pulling his phone out of his back pocket so he can check the time when a familiar white cane smacks into his side with a _thud_. Janus lets out a whine, rubbing his side before spinning in his seat to see Logan standing there with a smile.

“Was there any need?” Janus asks, taking a sip of his drink. 

Logan shakes his head, reaching up with one hand to comb his hair back into place, “I was wondering if you’d be able to drive me home, Ubers are expensive.”

Knocking back the drink in one go, grimacing at how it went down lukewarm before he got off his seat and gathered his things, shoving them haphazardly into the pockets of his coat before replying, “Only if you let me walk you out on my arm.”

“You’re an idiot,” Logan says but he offers his arm nonetheless with an amused smirk on his face. Janus has never felt more proud than he did at this very moment, their arms linked together as they called out their goodbyes and made their way to Janus’ car. 

The car journey feels _normal_ because they talk about mundane things like the upcoming weather or a new book Janus is reading or Logan’s next big seminar he has to prepare for. It would be fine any other time, pleasant and familiar in a way that makes Janus smile but right now, his body is electrified with the static of adrenaline and anxiety bundled up in one. Janus wants to talk about _them_ , whatever they’ve had going back and forth between them and if it’s just him that feels it. He can’t be imagining this, if he was, Janus wouldn’t be able to step foot in the disability club anymore. 

He pulls into Logan’s driveway, slowing the car to a stop when his headlights illuminate the one-floor bungalow the man lives in. Logan must realise this is his stop, even when Janus doesn’t say anything because seconds pass by and it becomes far too long for them to be at traffic lights; it doesn’t help that Google Maps tells him they’ve arrived at their destination.

“I guess I’ll see you next Friday,” Logan starts, one hand on the door handle to get out and his cane prepared. He double-checks for his keys to make sure they’re in his pocket too, something Janus picks up on watching him because Logan does it before he leaves the club every Friday night. 

_(Janus thinks about how long Patton and Roman danced around each other and he doesn’t want to wait any longer.)_

He doesn’t know what to say though, so Janus blurts out the first thing that comes to mind; “I think I’m ready.” 

Logan freezes in his peripheral, looking at Janus with a frown but it’s clear he’s curious. Janus takes a tentative breath before he shifts in the driver’s seat, pushing it back so he has room before reaching out. He takes Logan’s wrist and that prompts a soft sound of realisation from him, his cane drops to the floor seconds afterwards. It’s the most eager he’s ever seen Logan and that surges him forward.

“I’m ready for you to see me,” Janus takes both of Logan’s hands, slow and gentle before resting them on either side of his cheeks, “All of me.” 

He can hear Logan inhale sharply and he lets Logan work his way to the bottom where his chin and jawline are. His touch is gentle and slow, taking in the detail of his skin as if he’s memorising each and every part of his face and Janus’ breath warbles, coming out in a soft whine when Logan runs his thumbs over his lips to part them and trail away to map out his cheekbones, the shape of his nose and it takes everything in him to stay still when Logan brushes against the scar tissue on his left side around his eye. 

Logan is treating him like a work of art and it’s too much, it’s overwhelmingly caring and he’s never felt such tenderness. He can barely keep his eyes open to watch Logan’s expression, studious and mesmerised as he _sees_ Janus for the first time at his most vulnerable. His hands take in everything about Janus’ face before retreating to the nape of his neck, letting out the breath Logan had been holding in the entire time as if breathing would break such a fragile moment between them.

“You’re _magnificent_ , Janus,” Logan whispers and he thinks he can feel Logan pulling him closer by his neck. His mind is clouded and he can’t remember how to form words because all that comes out is a choked cry of _need_ but the sentiment is there, “I can’t believe--”

“Ever since I’ve met you, _fuck--_ ” Janus is quick to interrupt, words pouring out of him like waterfalls as his own hands reach up to cup Logan’s face in his own and their foreheads pressed together, “I think I’m in love with you, Logan.” 

In eight simple words, he erases the last of the space and kisses him; it’s slow and calculated as if they’re studying one another and trying to memorise each second as they taste and touch. Janus presses his hand against Logan’s chest and spreads out his palm to feel his pulse thumping against his chest and he thinks about how Logan can likely feel his pulse beating just as fast, just as hard because _this_ is everything he’s ever wanted from day one, even if he didn’t know it back then. 

“I love you,” he says again, quiet with nothing but the late winter winds blowing outside and their breathing. He can feel the shiver that runs through Logan but it isn’t the cold, he’s taking in every word Janus says and the world outside is so dark but in here, it’s bright because Logan is in his arms and their lips are still barely touching. God, he loves him and Janus would never deny himself that now. 

“I love you too,” Logan laughs in-between breaths, pressing another chaste kiss to Janus’ lips, “Come inside?”

Janus could stay this way forever, suspended in time and living this memory over and over again but he wants to see what the future holds and if Logan is in it, he couldn’t be any more willing than he is right now.

“I’d like that.”


End file.
